This post is actually a GUEST POST written for my blog by someone I know in Peru, let’s call him ‘Angelo’. As you will read, it is about something quite heartfelt, but most importantly about discovering and dealing with the truth. Everybody has different ways to deal with certain difficult moments in life. We are nobody to judge but to understand other peoples feelings and how they deal with that. This story might not be one that you will find easy to read but it is an honest, raw and transparent view of a man that went through a very hard time. Be kind with your comments.
I am a writer and I have a blog which I started last year but because I lack the time to write I stopped posting articles. I was definitely thinking about restarting my project and it was only by coincidence that Franca and I got in contact, she is in the UK and I’m in Peru, the Incas’ Land.
In order to contribute to her blog we thought it might be a good idea to write about parenting, which is a subject I know about, but at the same time one difficult to manage because my own story is completely different from what you might expect. I thought, I cannot talk about love and caring for a child after what I have been through in my life, so I better be open about it and deal with it.
Things are, one way or another different, but nevertheless unique and I consider that what happened to me was unique. Here is my story.
I received a call about 10 years ago from a recent ex-girlfriend, she suggested going for a walk to talk. I said yes, ok, let’s do it. She told me something I was not expecting, she was pregnant and the baby was mine. I didn’t react improperly; I was feeling frustrated because of the fact that I never wanted things to go in that direction. I would rather first live with my partner, plan a pregnancy, and then live together happily for the rest of our life, but it never happened, the reality struck my door. And you know what?
I tried to show a brave face and told my family about it and they were supportive, I was about 32 years old. A few people I told, asked the most horrible question that I could not manage at the time, ‘Is it your kid Angelo? How do you know?’ Exactly, how could I know, is it not enough to trust the lady who is in front of you? I said ok, the date of the conception matched, though I used protection for sex, I remember that I missed one time, well; I thought we were extremely fertile, so it happened.
I supported the mother in all the ways I could during the pregnancy and I did things for her just for pure love for the child she was carrying even though he was not born yet. I was raised catholic and as I learned we never doubt that sort of thing.
My life changed from one second to the other, there was a before and after. Since we did not live together, I asked to have him for the weekends, which I did consecutively for six years. I picked him up on Fridays and returned him to his mother on Sundays. I just managed to be a father with almost no help, except for the few hours that I went to my parents’ house and they could take care of him, while I rested.
In the meantime, there were many things that occurred, which I prefer not to recall because one cannot live having such memories, I prefer to keep things that are good for me and be positive. Anyway, things were sometimes rough between the mother and I. There was never good communication and worse, she tried to flirt with me even though we knew we were not made for each other which make the atmosphere gloomy because, of course I longed for a family, indeed I tried to live with her just to give my child a united family, wrong, it did not work. I told myself, “Well Angelo at least you tried”. Around the child’s sixth birthday she started telling me about her rights and my responsibilities. I tried to evade her reasoning which I considered unjustifiable; I could not be a better father. Things became unmanageable since she started sending me conciliation papers. I had to hire a lawyer. During that time I felt the child had the worst of it, I knew this was affecting him.
At this time the most horrible question came to my mind. It is not that I had not thought about it, but that I’d kept it to myself. I felt extremely guilty just for even thinking about it. All those years were like I had a dark cloud wherever I went, it was noticeable to others around me, I was not happy with myself. I had a hard time and nothing seemed to hush my soul. I have never seen a behavior around me like the mother professed towards me. I am the father, why such a heavy drama, why is she pushing me and hurting me all of a sudden about money and time restrictions?
Relentlessly, the horrible question was doing a lot of damage inside me and I could not live anymore with the doubt. I have to manage my guilt and make the toughest and most delicate decision that I have had to make. I talked to my family who suggested that I should go on, put myself together and face my demons. It took me a few months to make a decision and it was frightful.
Was he my own blood? Was he mine or I was deceived by the mother? All I wanted to know was the truth. There was a feeling that I tried to deny. I have never seen a mother behaving like that to a father, even in the worst case scenario a mother will not try to hurt the father of her child. So my doubt was creating a lot of damage inside me. Finally, I took my child for a DNA test. After a week they called. The lady on the phone did not tell me the results, just that they were ready for me to collect. I was scared. After work I went to the laboratory, where the lady told me to have a seat. She handed me an envelope with the results of the DNA test. I read it. I didn’t cry there, I just stayed calm and left without showing any emotions. Inside the car and on my way home, I started to cry. My world fell in on me. My world was crushed, my life was over: the child was not mine.
I asked God, “Why me …? What have I done to anybody to be treated that way…”. Later I got a response, this is life and many things happen for a reason. I stopped seeing the child for legal reasons, I was not the father, I had no right and I knew the consequences but I could not live my life without the truth. It has been almost five years since then. I don’t regret anything, I gave all I could and I wish someday I can see him again.
This story does not have a happy ending, neither have I intended to do so, nor would it be fair to the child. I have to say that I suffered with major depression during that time, so much so that I had to quit my job which paid very well. I was in bed for several months. It took me more than six months to get a new job and to recover at least physically from that collapse. Life gives us opportunities and it is up to us to take them. Life gave me a second chance and today I have a beautiful boy of two years of age. I won’t say it is easy now, no, life is not easy, and it is about living the life we can, or at least dying trying to do so.
Dealing with the truth can be difficult, especially in such circumstances. Let me know what you think in the comments.
Thanks for stopping by,
Love you all ❤️
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Baby ISABELLA says
A really heartbreaking story, it must have been so hard. We couldn’t even begin to imagine. The positive is that he seems to have moved forward with his life xx #KCACOLS
Alice Nipper and Tyke says
Shocking ending, I am sure the time Angelo spent with the child will stand out as a positive in his memories, and perhaps as an adult he will reach out to make contact again. Sounds like the child has had a very tough time, and both of them were powerless in the horrible situation.
Wow, powerful writing and a very moving tale. Very brave for sharing. I wish ‘Angelo’ and his family every success for the future. #KCACOLS
Allyson Green says
Such a heartbreaking thing to go through. My heart goes out to Angelo and most of all to the poor boy. I wish I could find the words to make this better, or right, or okay. I’m sorry. #KCACOLS
So horrible!! Cant believe someone would be like that towards someone who the believed to be the father of their child. And after 6 years!! geez that must of been hard to make the decision not to see the kid anymore!
Oh my goodness what a heartbreaking post. I can not imagine how he must have felt and the child. I hope that ‘Angelo’ is able to come to terms with everything that has happened. He was clearly a very positive person in the child’s life and maybe at some point in the future the child might want to reach out again. A very powerful piece of writing. #KCACOLS
Gracias por tu historia personal.
Moving and powerful post.
buena suerte ‘Angelo’ con tu vida:)
mainy – myrealfairy
How awful of the mum to lie to Angelo and then treat him so badly…but that child, I feel so sad for him.
Oh my goodness what a thing to have to go through, my heart goes out to you. It was a beautifully written post and the emotion certainly came across. I am glad you have found some happiness now and hope things continue in this way xx #KCACOLS
Rachel (Lifeathomewithmrsb) says
Oh what an awful experience! I just don’t understand how people can lie like that! I am glad you’ve been able to move on even though it must be hard for you. #KCACOLS
Mum in Brum says
This must’ve been so hard to deal with psychologically. I’m so glad that you got a second chance and seem to have made peace with what happened to you. I can’t imagine how hard that time must’ve been for you x
Nicole @ The Professional Mom Project says
Oh my goodness. What an emotional situation. You are a very strong individual to get through that awful experience and go forward to have a family of your own. Wishing you much happiness #KCACOLS
Jenny | jenny on a plate says
This must have been, and obviously was, such a difficult thing to go through. I am so sorry, Angelo. I am pleased to hear you have a second chance with a family of your own though, and hope you can find a way to reconnect with the child you raised as your own in the future, if you choose to do so. Big love x #KCACOLS
Mummy here and there says
This is sad reading, I hope it gets resolved in the end X#kcacols
Oh, Angelo, I am so very sorry that happened to you. I can’t imagine the strength, or the fear, to go with your gut feeling to discover the truth. That must’ve been one of the hardest things to do in your life, but I know you are so much better for it. It’s so good to hear that you got a second chance, and I know you love your son ferociously. <3 #KCACOLS
Nicky Kentisbeer says
That is a truly awful thing to experience and I am so glad that you have your own child now Angelo as you clearly have much love to share #KCACOLS
This must have been so hard, 6 years treating a child as your own then finding out he’s not, I expect the child crosses his mind every day and he will cross the child’s mind too.
I’ll never understand how a woman could do it.
Wow, that’s a hell of a story. Heartbreaking. I can’t believe people lie like that and put this man and their son through so much pain. #KCACOLS
Tori Hamilton says
I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I know he wasn’t your blood and the mom had no right to deceive you, but I really feel for the child. It’s too bad that his mom wouldn’t allow you to still keep in contact it must of crushed him to lose his father figure over night. I hope his mom explained to him that it wasn’t his fault. So sorry this happened and thanks for sharing.
Silly Mummy says
Situations like this are just so terrible, aren’t they? Because they just don’t really have an outcome that will be right or okay. Whilst it is obviously not at all acceptable to lie to a man about this, the even worse thing for me is to do it to the child, knowing that if the truth comes out the child will lose the father they thought they had. Heartbreaking. #KCACOLS