Hola chicos, this post is actually a GUEST POSTย written for my blog by someone I knowย in Peru, let’s call him ‘Angelo’. As you will read, it is about something quite heartfelt, but most importantly about discovering andย dealing with the truth. Everybody has different ways to deal with certain difficult moments in life. We are nobody to judge but to understand other peoples feelings and how they deal with that. This story might not be one that you will find easy to read but it is an honest, rawย and transparent view of a man that went through a very hard time. Beย kind with your comments.
I am a writer and I have a blog which I started last year but because I lack the time to write I stopped posting articles. I was definitely thinking about restarting my project and it was only by coincidence that Franca and I got in contact, she is in the UK and Iโm in Peru, the Incasโ Land.
In order to contribute to her blog we thought it might be a good idea to write about parenting, which is a subject I know about, but at the same time one difficult to manage because my own story is completely different from what you might expect. I thought, I cannot talk about love and caring for a child after what I have been through in my life, so I better be open about it and deal with it.
Things are, one way or another different, but nevertheless unique and I consider that what happened to me was unique. Here is my story.
I received a call about 10 years ago from a recent ex-girlfriend, she suggested going for a walk to talk. I said yes, ok, letโs do it. She told me something I was not expecting, she was pregnant and the baby was mine. I didnโt react improperly; I was feeling frustrated because of the fact that I never wanted things to go in that direction. I would rather first live with my partner, plan a pregnancy, and then live together happily for the rest of our life, but it never happened, the reality struck my door. And you know what?
I tried to show a brave face and told my family about it and they were supportive, I was about 32 years old. A few people I told, asked the most horrible question that I could not manage at the time, โIs it your kid Angelo? How do you know?โ Exactly, how could I know, is it not enough to trust the lady who is in front of you? I said ok, the date of the conception matched, though I used protection for sex, I remember that I missed one time, well; I thought we were extremely fertile, so it happened.
I supported the mother in all the ways I could during the pregnancy and I did things for her just for pure love for the child she was carrying even though he was not born yet. I was raised catholic and as I learned we never doubt that sort of thing.
My life changed from one second to the other, there was a before and after. Since we did not live together, I asked to have him for the weekends, which I did consecutively for six years. I picked him up on Fridays and returned him to his mother on Sundays. I just managed to be a father with almost no help, except for the few hours that I went to my parentsโ house and they could take care of him, while I rested.
In the meantime, there were many things that occurred, which I prefer not to recall because one cannot live having such memories, I prefer to keep things that are good for me and be positive. Anyway, things were sometimes rough between the mother and I. There was never good communication and worse, she tried to flirt with me even though we knew we were not made for each other which make the atmosphere gloomy because, of course I longed for a family, indeed I tried to live with her just to give my child a united family, wrong, it did not work. I told myself, โWell Angelo at least you triedโ. Around the childโs sixth birthday she started telling me about her rights and my responsibilities. I tried to evade her reasoning which I considered unjustifiable; I could not be a better father. Things became unmanageable since she started sending me conciliation papers. I had to hire a lawyer. During that time I felt the child had the worst of it, I knew this was affecting him.
At this time the most horrible question came to my mind. It is not that I had not thought about it, but that Iโd kept it to myself. I felt extremely guilty just for even thinking about it. All those years were like I had a dark cloud wherever I went, it was noticeable to others around me, I was not happy with myself. I had a hard time and nothing seemed to hush my soul. I have never seen a behavior around me like the mother professed towards me. I am the father, why such a heavy drama, why is she pushing me and hurting me all of a sudden about money and time restrictions?
Relentlessly, the horrible question was doing a lot of damage inside me and I could not live anymore with the doubt. I have to manage my guilt and make the toughest and most delicate decision that I have had to make. I talked to my family who suggested that I should go on, put myself together and face my demons. It took me a few months to make a decision and it was frightful.
Was he my own blood? Was he mine or I was deceived by the mother? All I wanted to know was the truth. There was a feeling that I tried to deny. I have never seen a mother behaving like that to a father, even in the worst case scenario a mother will not try to hurt the father of her child.ย So my doubt was creating a lot of damage inside me. Finally, I took my child for a DNA test. After a week they called. The lady on the phone did not tell me the results, just that they were ready for me to collect. I was scared. After work I went to the laboratory, where the lady told me to have a seat. She handed me an envelope with the results of the DNA test. I read it. I didnโt cry there, I just stayed calm and left without showing any emotions. Inside the car and on my way home, I started to cry. My world fell in on me. My world was crushed, my life was over: the child was not mine.
I asked God, โWhy me โฆ? What have I done to anybody to be treated that wayโฆโ. Later I got a response, this is life and many things happen for a reason. I stopped seeing the child for legal reasons, I was not the father, I had no right and I knew the consequences but I could not live my life without the truth. It has been almost five years since then. I donโt regret anything, I gave all I could and I wish someday I can see him again.
This story does not have a happy ending, neither have I intended to do so, nor would it be fair to the child. I have to say that I suffered with major depression during that time, so much so that I had to quit my job which paid very well. I was in bed for several months. It took me more than six months to get a new job and to recover at least physically from that collapse. Life gives us opportunities and it is up to us to take them. Life gave me a second chance and today I have a beautiful boy of two years of age. I wonโt say it is easy now, no, life is not easy, and it is about living the life we can, or at least dying trying to do so.
Best wishes,
Angelo
Dealing with the truth can be difficult, especially in such circumstances. Let me know what you think in the comments.ย
Thanks for stopping by,
Love you allย โค๏ธ
Franca ย 💋
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This must have been such a hard time to go through – I always feel so much for people in this situation, and step-parents, etc, because when the adult relationship breaks down you have no rights to see children who you’ve spend so long getting to know, and building a relationship with. I really hope you can reconnect when he’s older. x #KCACOLS
How awful, I cannot even imagine how hard it was to find that out after all those years! I wish you lots of luck and happiness for the future
Wow, what a tough story. (That sounds so very trivial when I type it … tough … ) I am not sure how anyone could cope with that sort of news. And what a sad story for the 6yo too. I hope, hope, hope that all the parties involved grow to find as much positivity as they can and reconnect if that is the right thing to do for all of them. #KCACOLS
I don’t actually know what tp say… Unbelievably difficult and I imagine the words written don’t even go half the way to describing quite how much you and your family went through. Thank you for sharing this. #KCACOLS
terrible. I wonder how much you must wonder about the path your life would have taken if you had gotten the test done earlier. I feel the worst for that poor child #KCACOLS
Such a sad outcome to a splendid post. I feel for you and hope you get your happy ending. #KCACOLS
goodness me, this must be incredibly tough. 6 years on though, does the DNA matter? The important thing is that you are and have been a father to this boy for this time. DNA is just biology. It was the time that you spent with the boy that made you a father. Pen xx #KCACOLS
I feel so sad for you and hope you get a happy ending! xx #KCACOLS
I cannot even begin to imagine what you must have gone through and to know that you will never know why it happened the way it did. Thank you for sharing such an emotional and honest post. Like you said, it is is about living the life you live. #KCACOLS
I can’t seem to find the right words to say. My heart goes out to you and I pray that you get your happy ending.
Thank you for sharing this. #KCACOLS
Wow! That is a hell of a post. I am so sad to hear the ending – such an ultimate betrayal. I hope that Angelo can come out of this stronger and not lose faith in women and future relationships. xx #KCACOLS
I really think that’s the worst, worst thing you can do to someone. Not only you, but that poor little boy. I hope you continue to be well. #KCACOLS
Oh my gosh this is so heartbreaking. I can’t even begin understand why someone would do this to another person. It really makes me wonder if the mother of this child did this intentionally, or if she really believed Angelo was the father? My heart really goes out to Angelo because he no doubt would have loved that little boy. Xx #KCACOLS
I felt so sorry for Angel reading this but most of all I feel sorry for the little boy. This is such a hard situation, you want to believe someone if they tell you something but then if you have doubts they can eat you up for years. I am glad to hear after such a hard time that Angelo has moved on and now has a beautiful boy of his own xx #kcacols
Oh how horrible! That poor man and child. I hope there is a positive outcome eventually! #KCACOLS
What a tough and crushing experience this must have been for you. I am so sorry you’ve experienced this. I have no more words really other than I hope in time you heal. #kcacols
Oh no what an awful story! I hope everyone involved is able to move on as best they can. #KCACOLS
Wow what an honest post. Thanks for sharing #kcacols
What a horrible, awful time that must have been for you. I can’t imagine finding that out about a child you thought was yours years later, and all that time you spend loving. I’m not surprised you found it difficult to cope. I wish you all the best with the family that you have now, and I also wish a happy life for the child you spoke of. Facing up to the truth is very hard sometimes, but it is case of needing to a lot of the time too. A brave post.
Amanda. #kcacols
This is a tough story to read, it must have been such a hard time for you. I can’t begin to imagine what was going through that woman’s head to lie to you for all of those years? Surely she knew the devastating effect it would have on all people involved if the truth came out. I feel very sorry for the young boy to be caught up in his mothers lies.
It’s great that you got a happy ending. Thank you for sharing. #kcacols
A beautiful piece of writing, very touching and heartfelt. Sorry it was such a horrible outcome xx
#KCACOLS
What a terribly sad outcome. Poor Angelo and also that poor child having been lied to for 6 years. I hope Angelo can move on from this and enjoy his life with his 2 year old. I can only imagine the grief he would have felt finding out that the boy wasn’t his son.
Azaria
#KCACOLS
This is heartbreaking. It must been such a hard time for you. After all the heart ache, it’s lovely to hear that you were given a second chance and have a little one ๐
Laura xx
#KCACOLS
Relationships can be so complicated and fragile. It must have been an awful shock to discover that a boy you had loved and cared for, for six years was not in fact your own blood. Sometimes fatherhood is more than just blood though. What a shame for the child. I wish you peace for the future #KCACOLS
Gosh, what a terrible experience to have gone through. I am so sorry that this woman deceived you in this way but I’m pleased that you now have a child and hopefully a happy ending too. #KCACOLS
A really heartbreaking story, it must have been so hard. We couldn’t even begin to imagine. The positive is that he seems to have moved forward with his life xx #KCACOLS
Shocking ending, I am sure the time Angelo spent with the child will stand out as a positive in his memories, and perhaps as an adult he will reach out to make contact again. Sounds like the child has had a very tough time, and both of them were powerless in the horrible situation.
x Alice
#kcacols
Wow, powerful writing and a very moving tale. Very brave for sharing. I wish ‘Angelo’ and his family every success for the future. #KCACOLS
Such a heartbreaking thing to go through. My heart goes out to Angelo and most of all to the poor boy. I wish I could find the words to make this better, or right, or okay. I’m sorry. #KCACOLS
So horrible!! Cant believe someone would be like that towards someone who the believed to be the father of their child. And after 6 years!! geez that must of been hard to make the decision not to see the kid anymore!
Great post
Lx
#KCACOLS.
http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
Oh my goodness what a heartbreaking post. I can not imagine how he must have felt and the child. I hope that ‘Angelo’ is able to come to terms with everything that has happened. He was clearly a very positive person in the child’s life and maybe at some point in the future the child might want to reach out again. A very powerful piece of writing. #KCACOLS
Gracias por tu historia personal.
Moving and powerful post.
buena suerte ‘Angelo’ con tu vida:)
mainy – myrealfairy
#KCACOLS
How awful of the mum to lie to Angelo and then treat him so badly…but that child, I feel so sad for him.
#KCACOLS
Oh my goodness what a thing to have to go through, my heart goes out to you. It was a beautifully written post and the emotion certainly came across. I am glad you have found some happiness now and hope things continue in this way xx #KCACOLS
This must’ve been so hard to deal with psychologically. I’m so glad that you got a second chance and seem to have made peace with what happened to you. I can’t imagine how hard that time must’ve been for you x
Oh what an awful experience! I just don’t understand how people can lie like that! I am glad you’ve been able to move on even though it must be hard for you. #KCACOLS
Oh my goodness. What an emotional situation. You are a very strong individual to get through that awful experience and go forward to have a family of your own. Wishing you much happiness #KCACOLS
This must have been, and obviously was, such a difficult thing to go through. I am so sorry, Angelo. I am pleased to hear you have a second chance with a family of your own though, and hope you can find a way to reconnect with the child you raised as your own in the future, if you choose to do so. Big love x #KCACOLS
This is sad reading, I hope it gets resolved in the end X#kcacols
Oh, Angelo, I am so very sorry that happened to you. I can’t imagine the strength, or the fear, to go with your gut feeling to discover the truth. That must’ve been one of the hardest things to do in your life, but I know you are so much better for it. It’s so good to hear that you got a second chance, and I know you love your son ferociously. <3 #KCACOLS
That is a truly awful thing to experience and I am so glad that you have your own child now Angelo as you clearly have much love to share #KCACOLS
This must have been so hard, 6 years treating a child as your own then finding out he’s not, I expect the child crosses his mind every day and he will cross the child’s mind too.
I’ll never understand how a woman could do it.
Wow, that’s a hell of a story. Heartbreaking. I can’t believe people lie like that and put this man and their son through so much pain. #KCACOLS
I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I know he wasn’t your blood and the mom had no right to deceive you, but I really feel for the child. It’s too bad that his mom wouldn’t allow you to still keep in contact it must of crushed him to lose his father figure over night. I hope his mom explained to him that it wasn’t his fault. So sorry this happened and thanks for sharing.
#KCACOLS
Tori
http://www.themamanurse.com
Situations like this are just so terrible, aren’t they? Because they just don’t really have an outcome that will be right or okay. Whilst it is obviously not at all acceptable to lie to a man about this, the even worse thing for me is to do it to the child, knowing that if the truth comes out the child will lose the father they thought they had. Heartbreaking. #KCACOLS
What a difficult time that must have been, I really feel for both you and the child in question. She didn’t just betray you but she also betrayed her own child. I don’t know how any woman or mother could do that. I hope the future is much brighter for you #KCACOLS xx