Sleeping arrangements can be quite challenging with the arrival of a newborn, particularly if you don’t have a lot of space or you need to make sure an older sibling gets the sleep they need. This is a post I wrote just after Sienna turned 1 year old in August. I have added an update of our situation so you can read about how are we doing at the moment.
When Sienna was born a year ago we decided that we would put her in a co-sleeper next to me in our bedroom for the first 6 months. My eldest, Bella was sleeping in her bedroom on her own and Nick and I in our bedroom with Sienna. We only have 2 bedrooms so this was important to get sorted by stages so we could have a good sleep….. well at least Nick and Bella could, not so much me due to the night feeds! 😞
Sienna used to breastfeed during the night for the first few months so we decided that it would be better if Nick slept in Bella’s room so he wouldn’t have to wake up during the night while I was breastfeeding Sienna so he wouldn’t be so tired in the morning to prepare Bella’s breakfast, drop her to school and then go to work. Bella’s bed expands out from the side so it can be changed from a single bed to a double bed.
We kept this arrangement until Sienna started to grow out of her co-sleeper and needed to be moved to her cot which was in Bella’s room. At this point it stopped being Bella’s room and was now “The Girls” room. I was always very worried about this move and although at 6 months Sienna was sleeping through the night she was still breastfeeding before bedtime and again very early in the morning as soon as she woke up. The morning feed was the one that was worrying me because sometimes Sienna would wake earlier than 6 am and started to cry for her feed or she would sometimes just cry at any time and I was so worried that she would disturb Bella. I didn’t want Bella to have less sleep because of her sister, especially as she needed energy for her first year at school (Reception).
Considering this, we thought that the best solution would be to delay them sleeping in the same room until Sienna was 1 year old. What did this mean for us? This meant still sleeping in a separate room to my husband for another 6 months! Crazy right? Yes I know but these are the things you have to do in order to get some peace and quiet for as long as you can and to do what feels right for your kids!
Sienna was now sleeping in her cot in the girls room and I moved to that room with her. Bella therefore slept with Daddy in the master bedroom. I know this is not the best solution as it got Bella used to sleeping with Daddy but it was practical for us all at that time. Also Bella had so many changes since her sister was born that we wanted it to be as smooth as possible for her. You can read about these changes here. She wasn’t the only child in the house anymore and wasn’t getting all the attention from me as before so a little bit of extra bonding with Daddy wasn’t going to be that bad!
A couple of weeks ago Sienna turned 1 year old and it was finally time to get everyone where they were supposed to be! We needed to put the girls together sleeping in their room for the first time! Which finally meant: DADDY AND MUMMY SLEEPING TOGETHER AGAIN IN OUR OWN BED!!! Yes yaay, HAPPY TIMES FOR US!!! LOL
I was so worried about this change which is why I was delaying it as much as I could because I was worried about them waking each other up for whatever reason. Having said that, I thought that if we didn’t give it a try we would never know! It was the night before Sienna’s first birthday so I put them together. I think I didn’t sleep all night thinking about them but you know how mums are, right? We just worry ALL THE TIME! I was particularly worried about the morning feed.
Surprisingly they actually slept well! In the morning Sienna started crying as usual but I went to the bedroom very quickly and grabbed her so that Bella was able to keep sleeping. I brought Sienna to our bedroom and breastfed her there, so we had another 40 minutes where we all had some peace. After this, Sienna was properly awake and of course with this the whole house was awake now too! Lol
This worked pretty well for the first week. Bella would even sometimes come and let me know that Sienna was awake so I could go and pick her up and bring her to our bedroom to breastfeed her – so really happy times! However, the happiness didn’t last forever as after the first week Bella had a cough which she passed onto Sienna! I had Sienna really ill coughing a lot and of course sleeping together didn’t work at all as it was waking Bella up! I had to swap with Bella again so she moved back to my bed and I went back to the girls room to be next to Sienna! Then when Sienna was a little better Nick got a stomach bug which he passed to us all! This unsettled us all for a couple of days, it was a horrible bug, I really hated it! This is my worst nightmare really!!!! Eeekkkkk
Anyway, after the cold and the tummy bug we had family staying over one after the other one, so for this we left Bella in our room with them and Nick and I were with Sienna, so our sleeping arrangements were all over the place again! 😞
After our guests left we finally decided to come back to our final arrangement and it didn’t work as Bella then came to our room four times!!! Grrrr, what a nightmare!! The following day I tried to tire Bella out as much as possible so she was shattered by the end of the day. We were out all day and brought the girls back to the house half asleep. We managed to put them back in their room and they finally slept there with no issues all night! Sienna woke up near 6 am the next morning. I went to grab her and Bella was still sleeping! She wasn’t disturbed! She then woke up about 40 minutes later justs after Sienna had finished breastfeeding so they were happy and ready to play!
That is pretty much my story about our sleeping arrangements during the first year following the birth of our youngest. As you can see we had ups and downs but hopefully we are finally now in a happy place and fingers crossed things will stay this way!
UPDATE
Our sleeping arrangements are still in the process of reaching our goal of having Bella sleeping all night in the girls bedroom. We can have some days even almost a week when she is happy and stays all night in her bedroom but suddenly we have those days when she just doesn’t want to sleep there and she only wants to sleep with us. Also there were some moments that I woke in the morning and she was back in our room and we didn’t notice. These moments are rare as when she sleeps with us we really notice her presence as she sleeps in a horizontal position!! Exactly, that is the way that she likes to sleep when she is our bed!! WHY?? Can someone answer me that? grr So it is a nightmare for me. I think is worst for me than Nick as he is that type of person that will keep sleeping even though there is fire in the house! LOL He really has that strong sleep. Lucky him because it is normally me who has to deal with all the “night disturbances”!
What we normally do with Bella, is that she has a bedtime story with daddy in our room as Sienna is already sleeping in the girls room. After the story she then falls asleep. She stays in our bed for a couple of hours and then we move her to the girls room. She will stay there until 3 or 4 am in the morning that she just have to come back and sleep with us! This last week, for example she has come to our bedroom every day! Yes I know! I want to cry!! But what can we do? I guess we just need to keep persisting and putting her back to her bedroom until one day she just stay there all night every day and not just for phases!!
So my update is still similar!! Not as great as I thought it would be at this stage. 🙁
Do you feel this story is familiar to you? Did you or do you still have issues with your sleeping arrangements? Of course all depends on the space that you have, the bigger the space the better but having limited space like me can really be a nightmare!
Thanks for stopping by,
Love you all ❤️
Franca 💋
My three year old and 18 month old share a room too and my them three year old hates it. He has always been an awful sleeper. We have to put him in our bed to watch a DVD until he falls asleep and then move him over but he still gets up in the night and gets in with me. My husband has been sleeping on the sofa for three years now. Definately not ideal but what can you do? We are now thinking about separating the rooms by putting a temporary wall and door up.
I completely understand you!! It is very frustrating, specially because the first years are very hard. They keep disturbing to each other al the time but what else you can do right? I’m still on and off with this arrangement. It is interesting the idea to divide the room into 2 rooms but will it be quiet enough for them? I would love to know if you do that and if it worked, 😉 Thanks so much for commenting. It is nice to know that I’m not alone with this issue. 🙂 xx
This situation really worries me. We are thinking about baby number 2 and we live in a 2 bedroom house, so the kids will have to share. My son is a bad sleeper unless he’s co-sleeping with us! We really need to get him back into a routine before a sibling arrives. It was really interesting to read this post xx #sharewithme
I was very apprehensive about putting them together. That is why it took me 1 year to do this as I really wanted to delay as much as possible but there is a moment that you have to do it otherwise I will never be able to sleep with my husband again!! I guess you just have to try. We still have some ups and downs but I hope they will be settled soon. Thanks for commenting, xx
We chose to co-sleep/family bed from the start with Baby Boy. We’re still doing it now, though we’ve been talking for months about getting him his own mattress to sleep in our room with us, so that we can prepare him for when this next baby arrives. Sometimes Hun sleeps on the couch because Baby Boy can get a bit wild in his sleep at times. Sometimes I wish I could sleep somewhere else, too, but with my big ol baby bump, any place is uncomfortable lol.
Nonetheless, we plan to co-sleep/family bed with this next baby and have Baby Boy in our room, but on his own mattress on the floor (in case of roll outs). Eventually we’ll move him to the kids’ room, but for now this is what we plan to do and hope it works well! 🙂
We have bed shared and co slept since day one with our last two. 🙂 With my daughter we had a sidecot bed, basically the cot bed with one side taken off and placed right next to my side of the bed. That way I was fully able to attend to her without even needing to get up. 🙂
We did the same with the smallest one, and when we moved both had side cot bed as our master bedroom was huuuge. But then we moved again and now we don’t have that large bedroom, so now we have one toddler bed next to our bed and the youngest sleeps in the middle of our bed, so we have “family bed” / co sleeper bed. 🙂
This works wonders and we wouldn’t want it any different!
Reply for ERFmama:
Wow you are brave to have all of them with you in your bedroom. Also you are lucky that they don’t get disturbed. My problem you see is that my eldest gets disturbed by the little one very easy and that is an issue for us. If they would just carry on sleeping I wouldn’t mind having them with me although I don’t wish to have that solution for long as I would love to be back on the bed just with my husband! LOL Thanks so much for stopping by, 🙂 xx
Reply for Life Breath Present:
Poor you with your belly!! Being pregnant and having to share with your baby must be hard. I guess we all have to do what it works best for us. The sleeping situation is still an issue for us. Unfortunately there is always an interruption to the process of having both girls together. My little one is again not well with a cold and she is waking up very early in the morning so Bella and I have swapped places again!! I hope everything goes well to you when your second baby comes. Thanks so much for commenting, 🙂 xx
It must be really hard with a new born but you despite all the stress it’s lovely that you’ve been thinking of Bella as much as Sienna. Although it must have been tough you’ve done what’s been best. I hope it all settles down now for you and no one gets ill! x
Thank you Rhian for your lovely comment! Things are still not settled yet but hopefully it would happen soon! xx
Yes, we have done this sort of funny sleeping arrangements too! 1 yr old has always been with me & still wants night feeds. She’s about to go into her own room, but we have wondered if actually the two girls would be okay sleeping in one room, letting us keep a spare bedroom/playroom, or even if they might prefer to be together. But I also worry that little one would wake two year old, who sleeps well. All very confusing! #momsterslink
Exactly!! It is all very confusing!! I still haven’t been able to get them both happy in the same room for more than a week!! There is always something along the way but I will be persistent and hopefully things will work out soon for us!! Good luck with your side too!! 🙂 x
I wanted a King Size bed in my room. I am the only person to sleep on it as I am the tallest in my house. So I generally don’t fit on other mattresses. My King size mattress in best. I love sleeping on it, it’s quite huge and comfortable.
Gosh — we’ve been so, so lucky in this area. The twins were in their own room the second night we came home from hospital. They were SO loud (no-one warns you about the snorting noises newborns make do they?!) we decided to put them in the nursery! It paid dividends — as a result — they’ve slept, side by side, in the same room since they were born. And if one wakes in the night and cries — or is ill — the other just sleeps though the whole thing and rarely wakes up!! It’s amazing — I’m SO grateful for it!! I love my sleep! 🙂 Thanks so much for linking up with us #TwinklyTuesday
Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
Wow you are really lucky but I guess it could be because they are twins and they are totally used to be together so I guess they won’t like it in any other way. They kind of need each other after being together 9 months in your belly. I guess that could be the reason why they don’t disturb each other. For me is more complicated as I have to teach them how to sleep together. I’m sure that eventually things will work out for us but it is still a long journey. We haven’t get there yet unfortunately, Fingers crossed we will soon. Thanks for commenting and hosting lovely, 🙂 xx
Sounds like it worked for you and Sienna and sometimes that’s all that matters however we get there in the end. My hubby slept in spare room too for the first 6 months while I was breastfeeding. If we all get sleep its all better. lol Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
I firmly believe that you have to do what is right for you. Grace was a terrible sleeper and there were occasions that I would allow her in my bed – but that was only because I was on my own. When Ross came along we changed the way it worked and eventually she caved in! Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo x
Oh I remember the days in our old house when we had 5 kids and the two of us in a 3 bedroom house. The two teenage boys shared a room and the 3 younger which were 3, 2, and 1 all shared a room and they were all right next to one another. This meant that when the teens were waking and getting ready for school they of course weren’t quiet and would always wake the babies. Now we are in a house that everyone has their own space although they have all changed spaces several times now which is about to drive me batty since every time it happens I have to deep clean everything and do some touch up painting. Loved your post and glad that you are getting to somewhat of some normalcy…if that word even exists in the land of parenting. Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink.
We have Ava in with us still at 11 months she starts off in her cot and ends up in with us every night. We started with a co sleeper cot too. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix
Sleeping arrangements do make me feel quite apprehensive about trying for #2 – we’re in a 2-bed flat and once the baby is out of the Moses basket (we’re too heavy sleepers to consider co-sleeping!) he or she will have to go in with SB, whose sleep isn’t excellent, which is why we’re delaying a little bit (Boo 🙁 ) but it sounds like you’re coping really well and you’ve done the right thing to make sure Bella feels comfortable and the transition to having a little sister has been smoother on her, and fingers crossed things will start to head in the right direction now and you’ll all get some good nights of sleep from now on! Xx #KCACOLS
Thank you Maddy! I hope so too!! She seems fine some days and then she starts regressing again and wanted to sleep with us!! Maybe for you is better to wait a little bit longer so you feel comfortable that they will be happy at some point sharing the room. You will know when the time is right! Thanks for commenting lovely! 🙂 xx
Oh no I hope you manage to get into a new routine so you can get a better sleep and find something that works for you all. I still wake up with my daughter in my bed sometimes and she is 9! #KCACOLS
Thank you!! I can see my myself like you waking up and having my daughter there when she is 9 or more!! At this stage it is looking that way!! Lol thanks for commenting! 🙂 xx
We only have one, and we moved her into her own room when she was four months. I was quite reluctant, but my partner said she’d be happier with the extra space and quiet. …He was right. I think all kids are different though. x #KCACOLS
Having one baby is much easier but when you start adding more the space starts being an issue!! My youngest one sleeps well which is great but the eldest one doesn’t like her bed apparently but I won’t buy a new one until they are both ready for bunkbeds! Thanks for commenting lovely, 🙂 x
I’ve never been able to sleep with my kids in my bed so they have always slept in their own rooms, even when they were poorly I would move them when they fell asleep so I could go to sleep too
This is what we are trying to do when we can, move her to her room but lately she is coming back again!! Grrrr I hope she stops soon! Thank for commenting Fiona! 🙂 xx
Oh yes this is so very familiar …. Ella used to sleep with us up until the beginning of my last trimester with Holly and yes to say she sprawled out was an understatement. Once Holly was born and she got poorly she too started sleeping in our bed. Whilst Ella sleeps in her own bedroom she still at five and a half wakes up and calls for daddy. Holly on the other hand sleeps in her cot next to my side of the bed.And because the side of her cot is off now she just climbs into bed with us when she pleases. So like you we too are still trying to sort our sleeping arrangements out.xx #KCACOLS
It is a nightmare, isn’t it? I hope we both get this matter sorted soon!! Thank you for commenting lovely!! 🙂 xx
Not having older children and having twin that were very premature I don’t actually know what it is like for you And a lot of other parents. Our boys stayed in hospital for almost 3 months so when we finally got them home we put a cot with one open against either side of our bed and we sort of co-slept with them for quite some time. Only when it was time for Becky to head back to work we put them in the nursery. It must have been at least 6 months we co-slept. Now that they are 4 you can’t believe that they ever been this tiny ( born at 25 weeks 6 days )
I think with tweens it is different because they are very used to be together so as long as they are still together doesn’t matter where they are. Am I right? I guess you know better than me! Thank for commenting Markus! 🙂 x
Oh it’s so tricky! We have a similar issue in that we have only 2 bedrooms but 3 kids. Our original plan was for the twins to share a room with my daughter but I just can’t bring myself to move them all in together. So the boys are still in our bedroom at age 3. Luckily or bedroom is quite big so they have their end and we have the other and we have a curtain in the middle to divide it up to make it feel like two separate rooms. I do kind of long to get our own little bedroom haven back! #KCAKOL
Oh wow for you must be even more tricky as you said!! Maybe now that the twins are 3 will be happy to sleep all in the same bedroom? You could out bunkbeds to make it more exciting! That is what I’m planning to do but when Sienna is a little bit older! Thanks for commenting Sarah! 🙂 xx
Evie’s been in her bed since she was 6 months old, but she definitely ends up in our bed a lot. Whenever she’s poorly she’s in with us and lately she’s been having night terrors and I don’t remember the last time she didn’t come in. Jamie is the same as Nick, he can sleep through anything, which is annoying because I’m the one that’s always shattered. But you really do have to do what’s best for them don’t you, even it means not sharing a bed with your partner. These night wakings are becoming so frequent that we’re going to get Evie the Ikea hemnes bed that pulls out into a double for her room soon, that was if she wakes we can go in there with here and sneak away when she’s finally asleep. Fingers crossed it works. xx
Lol I have the same type of bed from Ikea too. That is the bed the Bella uses which is handy for guests too. The only thing is that she is complaining that she is rolling over to one side of the bed. I think it is because one side is open so then you can open the bed but that makes the mattres when it is in a single position to slide a little bit out of the bed! Maybe the mattresses I bought are not the best! They were the cheapest of their range I think, 🙁 I need to check this problem so maybe she then will stay all night there! Hope you sort it out yours too! Thanks for commenting! 🙂 xx
I really feel for you – having only two bedrooms must make it so tricky.
We only have one child (2.5 yo) but have had some sleep issues recently. He was always a brilliant sleeper and slept in his own room just fine from 4 months (he simply didn’t fit in his crib and we couldn’t fit his cotbed in our bedroom).
In Sept we went on hols and let him fall asleep in our bed for the first time ever. Big mistake! When we got home he simply wouldn’t settle in his own room (even though he’s gone to bed well for two years! Apparently a week can undo two years work lol!). Anyway, we persevered and eventually had to resort to putting a stair gate on his door (I guess this is controversial to some). He goes to sleep in his own room fairly easily again now, thankfully.
Hope you get settled soon.
#kcacols
Interesting what you are saying. The only problem is that my eldest is 5 yo and she won’t get stopped by a gate anymore 🙁 So she will come to the bedroom regardless. She says that she doesn’t like her bed. I guess I will need to think a way to sort that out if the bed is really the problem! My little one instead sleeps well in her cot so she is fine thanks God. My eldest one has been always the issue!! Thank you for your comment lovely! 🙂 xx
I really feel for you Franca, this situation is not ideal at all is it?it must be hard for Bella getting used to sleeping in her own room after spending so long sleeping in the big bed with Daddy. I’m sure they will sleep together in the same room soon, just keep persevering I guess. I don’t have any better advice as Leo is quite a good sleeper, the husband never had to sleep in a different room because Leo was always happy in his moses basket/cot. I hope you all start getting some decent sleep soon and you and hubby eventually get the bed back for yourselves xx #KCACOLS
Aww thank you Wendy!! I really hope that she stays in her bed for good soon!!! She definitely loves sleeping with daddy!! Thanks for commenting lovely!! 🙂 xx
We have limited space too but had a cot that had a bassinet type attachment too it (it’s hard to explain) so my son slept in there and then when he got bigger he was fine going into the cot because he had already been sleeping in there! Everybody’s different though and my son is very much like me – he loves his sleep too much to cause a fuss about where he does it :p
Thanks for sharing (and hosting 😛 ) #KCACOLS
My little one is fine in her cot in the girls room. Thanks God she sleeps well there. The big problem is Bella. She doesn’t like sleeping there for some reason. She saids that she doesn’t like her bed but it could an excuse! Who knows! Hopefully soon she will stay in her bed during the night for good! Thanks for your comment lovely!! 🙂 xx
That is tricky as you only have 2 bedrooms, we have 3 so it made he transition easier – not that Aria ever sleeps through! We tried getting our two to share a bedroom on holiday and it was a disaster! I think you should just persist with putting Bella back in her room and hopefully it will eventually sort itself out #kcacols
Yes I agree!! I will need to keep pitting her back to her room. It is so weird though that some weeks she is perfect there and the suddenly she changed! grr Thanks for commenting lovely! 🙂 xx
Sleep, sleep, precious sleep! It is the most contentious and life disrupting challenge of all to us parents! My daughter is a very light sleeper, so we still creep around like our lives depend on it when she’s napping and in bed at night. I hope it all works out for you, You just have to trust your instincts and persevere I think 🙂
Really interesting article, thanks for posting. Our second is due in February so we have got some decisions to make about sleeping arrangements! #KCACOLS
You are welcome! Glad you find interesting! I hope you find out how to deal with this matter when you have 2! Thanks for your comment! 🙂 xx
It’s definitely a familiar story! We’ll get there in the end, Daniel always ends up in our bed but starts the night in our room, he’s 10 months. They will all do it eventually xx hang in there! #KCACOLS (Thanks for letting me co-host!)
Yes I know!! We just have to be persistants and put her back to her bed every time she comes to our bed!! Altgough this is very tiring!! 🙁 thanks for commenting l! 🙂 xx